Pain and Healing:
2 Different Schedules

I’ve been forthright about my teen/college years in that I was one heck of a rebellious, prodigal daughter.  I’m thankful I lived to tell about it.  Several years ago, I was hurt by a group of good people.  I’m thankful I made it through that as well.  What I want to share is what I learned from those: pain and healing are not always on the same schedules.  It took eleven years to screw up my teen/college years, but it took two decades to work through the consequences of them.  It took a few months for that group of people to hurt me and fracture my marriage, but it took eight years to heal from it.  Whether we cause the pain to ourselves or the pain is inflicted by others, days of healing are not always proportionate to the days of pain.  Sometimes, the healing can take longer.  Sometimes, the healing will be never-ending.  My point? Be patient.  Don’t trust the clock, trust the Time Keeper.  The bible says in Romans 8:28, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Here, God doesn’t promise a time frame. He promises He’ll work it out for your good. He WILL nurse, tend-to and triage the residual aches, scars, side-effects, fears, hesitations, anger, depression, grief, regret and consequence. We must never think God was absent in the pain–but we must never think He will forget about us in the healing. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He was withe me in my pains of yesterday, and He is with me in the today’s and tomorrow’s of my healing.  I can’t control time, but when I trust the One who does, I don’t have to. I hope this encourages someone today. <3

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My Mental Battle Isn’t An Excuse
To Hurt Others With It

disclaimer: I am not a certified counselor or professional in mental health; just a pastor’s wife living with bipolarity.
One thing I’ve been guilty of doing, tempted TO do and observed others doing is using mental illness as an excuse to hurt others. I don’t like that I have done this. And when I bounced my behavior off God’s word, I don’t think God wants this for me, either. In the bible, Paul wrote, “I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.” (2 Cor. 12:7-8) From this text, I learn that Paul was tormented. Like Paul, some of us are mentally tormented. However, what I glean from the subtext, is that PAUL says HE has a thorn.  He owns it. He embraces it. He gives it to God. What Paul does not say is that his “thorn” is mine, your’s or ours.  It’s HIS thorn. And as the text continues, God used it to display His grace and power (2 Cor. 12:9). Sometimes, I’ve been tempted to say, “But I can’t help it. It’s just the way my mind works.”  But that doesn’t line up with God’s word. The bible says that we take our thoughts captive.  That means, my thoughts are not my master if Jesus is my Savior.  The bible also says the greatest commandment is to,  “love your neighbors and your enemies.” Love does not mean using my “thorn” to hurt others with it.  I hope you know my heart: that I know the struggle is real. I live with it every day. But I also hope this raw conviction about it encourages someone.

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Can I Learn From
What I’ve Lost?

A couple years ago, I posted this post-it. There have been opportunities and relationships I am responsible for losing because I was stupid. But this #postit was dedicated to the ones I was smart enought to learn from. We have a choice to learn from our losses. Although the loss is part of our past, the lesson can be part of our future. I was thinking about this one stupid thing I did that rendered a big loss many years ago. Can’t go back and undo it, can’t deny it, so I had to accept it. But as a Christian, it didn’t stop there. I got to ask God to forgive me for it. He eradicated the guilt-voice in my head (sidebar: guilt beats up, conviction wakes up). Then I was able to pray, “Lord, what can I learn from this?” In God’s goodness, He led me to bible verses, and others who had done stupid things, to help me develop a rich lesson of learning. Having a spirit of learning from the things you lose can actually give you a win! Bud, choose to ride the wave of God’s grace and learn from your losses. BONUS, you’ll have wisdom to help OTHERS with theirs. Life is about choices. But if one of them is choosing to learn from the things I’ve lost, sign me up. In God’s economy, there will be no losers…only winners.

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Depressing Thoughts?

[Disclaimer: I am not an expert nor a professional. Just a client with a big mouth and Jesus.  If you are having thoughts of taking your life or harming yourself, call 911 or Suicide Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255]
Whether we are medically, circumstantially (or sometimes both) battling depression, we are on a battlefield in our minds. These battles can require us to fight dark thoughts—sometimes hourly!  I want to share my personal 1-2-3-4 process on what I do when the thoughts start waging war.
Here are 4 things I do:
1. I take my mental-verses with me, in my car, in my purse, everywhere I go, and read or recite them at the inception of bad, dark or negative thoughts. (see my mental-verses, here: http://wondherful.net/ten-verses-for-tough-times/)
2. If my dark thoughts move from occasionally dark to chronically dark, I call my counselor, ASAP. (see http://wondherful.net/not-too-cool-for-counseling/
3. I read books that are uplifting. Three of my fav’s are the Psalms in my Bible; “Battlefield of the Mind” and “Power Thoughts” by Joyce Meyer.
4. I get myself outdoors and my ears tuned to uplifting music. This gets me out of the atmosphere that was allowing my bad thoughts and into God’s great nature. And gets good songs stuck on repeat in my head. If I’m singing, I’m not depressively thinking!
Friend, you might battle depressing thoughts, but it doesn’t mean you have to lose the battle. I hope this encourages someone today.

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Even If I Could Click My Heals
I Wouldn’t Go Back to Kansas

In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy clicks her heels and recites, “there’s no place like home.” For her, home was Kansas, where Dorothy wanted to go back to normalcy, familiarity, comfort-ability. This makes a nice movie. But it wouldn’t make my reality show. Even if I could click my heels, I wouldn’t go back. Where I was, was where I needed to be, but God led me out. He knows best, His route is perfect. In the bible, Paul said, “My friends, I don’t feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead, I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven.”  A few operative phrases are, “forget–behind,” “ahead,” and “run toward.” This is proof for me to not look back and wish I were there. God’s book is my life-book. I draw life from it like I’ve drawn oxygen from oxygen tubes when I’ve had pneumonia.  I want to do what HIS book for MY life says. It is infallible, irrefutable, undeniable and unstoppable. If I would go my own way and click my heels to go back, I would MISS the chance to lace up my Addidas and run forward. No offense, Dorothy! Love the movie, but I’ll live like Paul. 🙂

 

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What Do I Do
When I Think Someone
Doesn’t Like Me?

1. What did I do?
Philippians 4:6a | Job 13:23

2. What does the Bible say?
Luke 6:27-35 | Matthew 5:23-24

3. What’s in it for me?
John 15:18 | John 15:25 | Matthew 10:22

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If You Have 3 Strikes in
Life Are You Out?

Once upon a time, there lived a person who was a woman, a prostitute and a minority. During her time, clear social-rules kept society from acknowledging her as a person. A woman? A prostitute? A minority? 3 strikes.  Do you feel like you have 3 strikes? In John 4, the Bible teaches that Jesus cared so deeply for our 3-strike person, he spoke directly to her. He looked at her. He stood by her. He didn’t tolerate her sin, He came to die for it. This may have been the first time a Person saw her as a person. Jesus is reaching out to you—you, who others won’t give the time of day to. You, who others have given up on. You, who others don’t wanna be seen around.  You see, you hold out your 3-strike life to Jesus, and he doesn’t see the strikes everyone else sees, He sees you. This 3-strike person met Jesus, He filled her heart and He changed her life. And He’s still in that business. I hope you know that even if the world sees you as “3 strikes, you’re out” Jesus sees you as “3 strikes, still in.”

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Have You Had
a Friend Deny You?

The bible teaches us that during Jesus’ darkest hours, one of his friends denied him. You and me have had friends deny us at “normal” times. But at our darkest hour, just before we were executed?  I can’t imagine.  Jesus had never done his friend wrong.  Furthermore, Jesus HAD given his friend everything he had; and made him who he was: leader, disciple, legacy.  As Jesus was on his way to be brutally beaten and executed (right in front of his friend, no less), his friend still denied him.  One probable denial? No. Three public, blatant, consecutive ones. Denial. Denial. Denial. Jesus knew his friend would deny him, yet Jesus still “friended” him! That’s love.  No matter what our friends have done to us—according to Jesus’ example—is not an excuse to undo our love for them.  Even if our friends move the status from “friend” to “enemy,” Jesus says, “love your enemies.”  And just when I want to let my heart move toward hating them for denying me, I am quietly reminded that I’ve denied my Best Friend and Lord more than the three times Peter did.  In my summation, there’s never a time to un-love a friend who denies you. Distance ourselves? Yes. Forge boundaries? OK.  Forget what they did? Depends. But hate them? I can’t find that in the life of my Best Friend and Lord.

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Barfing On People

When I was bad in college, my friend and I headed back from partying in Chicago when she complained she was feeling the repercussions of the chicken salad, grape laffy-taffy and “beverage” she had.  As things like this go (i.e., without warning) she lost control of her stomach and barfed all over my dashboard, passenger window, and (fabric!) passenger door.  We got back to the dorm, but it was so late, I was so tired and it was a freezing Chicago winter night, that I left the car the way it was, windows rolled up. The next day, when I opened it, I was bulldozed by the most atrocious odor ever—a pungent stank that could peel paint off walls, a toupee off a man, a shell off a turtle. Segue, please: It stinks when people barf all over you.  Literally and figuratively.  One of the things I’ve learned over the years through my mistakes, is to not barf all over people.  I used to be fooled by the fallacy that friendships were built by barfing every crisis, trial, drama, and detail to each other.  SO not so.  You see, humans aren’t capable of handling their own life-trauma and drama AS WELL AS OURS. It’s just too much for one finite being. So Jesus came and said, “Come to ME when you are weary” (Matthew 11:28)The first thing to do when we are feeling the repercussions of our drama or woes, is to give it to God, first. Just like Jesus did. When Jesus was having his worst day ever in the garden, the Gospels teach us he went to God, first (Matthew 26). His friends weren’t capable of handling it. The bible says they even fell asleep on their friend Jesus! Our friends can’t always handle our barf. And thankfully, if we walk with God, they don’t have to. PS: I haven’t been able to eat grape laffy-taffy since. 🙂

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How Do We Help People?
Everybody? Equally, Endlessly?

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